We all like a good rant from time to time. So the other day, when we had the radio on in the design room and someone called in from Swindon, Graham surprised us all by launching into a rather impromptu “why I hate Swindon” campaign. Shortly after, Lynnette expressed her dislike for noisy eaters and before we knew it, there was a mini revolution in the making. We’re a friendly bunch, but everyone needs a good vent from time to time. It helps us reach our state of inner peace and all that. So, we decided to jot down the top few things, in no particular order, that grate us… for the moment.
Made up words
Bifidus Digestivum, Actiregularis, Pentapeptides, The Institute of Tricologists… you can’t get through an advert break anymore without adding at least four new words to your vocabulary. We’ve checked some of them out and a few appear to be “genuine”, but for the purpose of this rant we’re going full blanket and saying that they’re all made up. And unnecessary. And anyone who believes that they exist deserves to be mugged off with the facial cream that will have your skin feeling softer and your wrinkle lines visibly smoother after 14 days. Because you’re worth it.
This is more of a local one to the people of Brighton, but we reckon many across the UK, if not the world, will be able to relate. We could probably stick the whole of West Street into the mix, but for the purpose of this exercise we’re going to keep it focused. For those of you not familiar, Walkabout is a chain of Australian bars across the UK, which has a lovely collection staff working for it (we’ve never met a bad Australian), but the clientele rests with hen parties, people who dance like they’ve got their Walkman still plugged in and lots of boys dressed up as various super heroes, policewomen, netball teams and you can bet there’ll be a blow up doll, sheep or guitar of some sort. Still, if there’s a group of you and you’re drunk enough, you could just about manage an evening, but we bet you’ll feel pretty dirty afterwards.
This is one is pretty personal to Lynnette, and we think she’s got a bit of the ol’ obsessive compulsive, so she may be on her own here, but you’ve probably never seen anyone so affected by people who click or whistle to get someone’s attention. We’ve seen her face literally crumble at the sight of such an occurrence. It’s like a scene from 28 Days Later… instant rage. And she’s normally (sometimes) such a calm little thing. She reckons it stems from an unfortunate driving lesson when her instructor clicked her off an exit at a roundabout and she nearly had to pull the car over. We reckon she’s just a bit mental.
Ok, we know how this sounds. Seeing as though the whole point of this is to have a good old moan, but it’s a specific type of moan that gets our backs up. In particular, people who moan about things that they could quite easily change, but seem to prefer to just moan about it instead. We all like a moan, and I think it’s our right to be able to do it from time to time. The weather, the price of eggs – that’s all fine. But if it’s something that you can change and it’s starting to become a recurring theme, just bloomin’ well change it. You’re in control of your life. You get to decide a lot of what happens during it. If you’re not happy with something, don’t do it anymore.
Comparing the meerkat
We’re aware that there’ll probably be a huge split on this one, but give it a few weeks and we predict that most people will be on board. It was all very clever and funny at first, and it still kind of is, but with anything like this it’ll be very short lived and will become hugely annoying you mark our words. Not at the fault of the marketing agency who came up with the genius idea, but more because of the poor meerkat impressions that are bound to just keep going and going and going and will ruin it for everyone. Simples.
Before we start this, we’d like to point out that most of us do like Facebook. It’s good for catching up, stalking and sharing photos. However, we strongly believe that if you like smiling, do it. If you want to arrange a night out, text or tell your mates when you next see them. If you’re a fan of hugging, hug someone. If you like the summer, go out and get some sunshine. Don’t set up a Facebook group in order to be able to do it. That’s just introducing a pointless middle man. Live your life.
Things that nearly made the list, but didn’t…
Churchill Square, my mum, a Jack Russell, seaweed, big shopping trips, people who lack attention to detail, drunkards in Brighton, “?!?”, reversing with your arm around the passenger seat, seagulls, traffic jams, call centres, soap operas, sport on TV with the volume up, Dave Pearce, exclamation mark abuse and smileys.
And for a bit of balance – some stuff we do like…
Stephen Fry, Scroobius Pip, tea, salad cream, Stirling Moss, Lewis Carroll, Michael Palin, Bounce bars, cheesecake, travelling, barbecues on the beach, being silly and Alain Robert.